To All the Readers I've Loved Before

I’m back, beeshes. As my two readers likely noticed, I took a long hiatus from blogging. I stopped because I didn’t feel like doing it. I worked on a sitcom pilot instead, because I am embracing this cliche Los Angeles existence from soup to nuts. Then I got pregnant and stopped doing anything that wasn’t entirely necessary, like feeding my daughter dinner and feeding myself two dinners. But now the glittering skyline of second trimester approaches in the distance, and I am finally feeling more like myself. And when I feel like myself, I write.

Update: about 25 minutes after I starting writing this, I got really tired and fell asleep at 5:00pm. I felt so sleepy and tired the next day that I sobbed in therapy about how my first trimester is almost over, so I should have my energy back.

I come from a long line of over-doers. My 95-year-old grandma broke her hip for the second time about 10 years ago because she insisted on bringing in the trash cans during a rain storm. We have very strong ideas about what we should get done, and do that instead of listening to our bodies and doing what is best for ourselves. This happens a lot when I get sick. I will decide how long it should take me to get better (3 days? 5 days?), and for that period of time, I will rest and let myself heal. However, once that time period is over, I start to push myself, even if I am still sick. I once went to the gym to “sweat out” the rest of my cold, which does not work because it is not a thing. I ended up coming down with the flu.

I am trying to release expectations about when I will get my energy back and what I should do each day, and remember that growing a human is an accomplishment. And for today, it is going ok.